Review: The Hobbit.

Author: J. R. R. Tolkien

Synopsis: 13 dwarfs, a wizard and a hobbit go to find treasure and defeat a dragon. Bilbo gets into trouble and Gandalf saves them, except for that one time he didn't. Repeat for almost three hundred pages.

Now, I'm not a Lord of the Rings fan. The movies are okay, but I found that the books just dragged on too much for me to happily read. The Hobbit's not really an exception. Most of my thoughts when  reading it went like this:

Gandalf, you dick.


Bilbo you whiner.


What use are dwarfs anyway?


Gandalf, you dick.


Okay, Gollum's actually kinda cool


Finally Bilbo got some respect. 


Gandalf, you dick.


Eagles? Awesome!


Gandalf, you dick.


What the fuck did Gandalf say? Stay on the path!

Bilbo, you are finally a bit BAMF


Thorin has swag.


Smaug is totally my favourite character.


Tolkien, why did you just kill Smaug?

Thorin, you dick.


Bilbo, are you sure about this?


Gandalf, you dick.


Now, now, I know that "The Hobbit" is a classic and the basic building blocks of any fantasy journey book. And let me tell you, I know a lot about my fantasy. I'm also pretty sure that Tolkien had a few sleep overs with Vogler. The Hobbit seems to be an almost perfect example of "The Heroes Journey". which is supposed to symbolise the quest within ourselves and blah blah blah.

Yes. I can see how "The Hobbit:", is a good story about conquering your fears and becoming a better person, and how bravery is in all of us, even if we don't know that it's there. I just find is stupidly boring. The plot is quite slow compared to what I'm used to and not all that compelling. The cast, I felt, was too big to maintain accurately and a few of the dwarf's characters were a bit inconsistent.

Also, have a mentioned what a massive dick Gandalf is? I mean seriously, all he does is act like he's better than everyone else in the book. It's like he saves them just so he can show everyone how clever he is. Also, if Bilbo was happy not going on an adventure, why couldn't he have just let him not go on an adventure? He was happy enough without you putting him through several months of misery so he could be "a better person".

But that's all personal opinion. Maybe if I had read 'The Hobbit" as a younger child, or as someone without such a large background in fantasy, I would have enjoyed it a lot more. I know by now that if the main character is kidnapped in chapter eight, twelve, fifteen and twenty, they're not going to die if the book ends in chapter thirty.

Also, is it bad that I was disappointed with the fact that no one died? Well, no one except Smaug, but I liked Smaug. He was a fascinating character, and I would have liked to see more of him.


So, should you read this book? Well, if you're under the age of twelve, yes.
If you're over the age of twelve, and don't read a lot of fantasy but now want to, sure.
But even if you are under twelve and do like fantasy, you still should read it. It's not a bad book as books go, but be prepared to be a tiny bit bored in place.

Rating:
3/5

I'm now going to take a moment to brag about how nice my edition of this book is. Fourth edition, printed in by George Allen & Unwin publishers in 1978, this edition is hardback with a deep red background and gold border.